For those of you who don't know...Jennifer (one of my best friends) and I used to terrorize the streets of downtown Sacramento by playing Fashion Police on our lunch hour. It typically went something like this...we would speed down J Street in Jen's Honda, music usually blaring Elton John and Kiki Dee's "Don't Go Breaking My Heart", Jen frantically hitting the car horn, while I hung out the window and SCREAMED WOOOWOOOWOOO...FASHION POLICE...WOOOWOOOWOOO at unsuspecting passersby who were in violation of our strict guidelines of fashion Do's and Dont's. It sounds mean...I know. But to get a citation you had to REALLY deserve it. I'm talking fat men in bike shorts, belly T's and knee socks. Haul him off to jail RIGHT now.
God I miss you Jen...the streets just aren't the same without us.
Anyway, though I've long since hung up my fashion handcuffs, I still find the yearning to occasionally slap them on someone for a variety of reasons. I've never made it a secret that I LOATHE people who go to Walmart in their sloppy pj's and dirty house slippers...slogging their way down the aisle taking up ALL the room with their mouths gaping open like some kind of dazed zombie with baby fish mouth. Ggggrrrrrrrr. There's also my genuine distaste for people who wear clothes that they are too fat for and shoes that just don't fit or aren't worn properly. By the way...I had a yard sale this weekend and saw examples of ALL of these things...I almost asked them to get their slacker asses OFF my lawn. If you can't be bothered to tie your shoes then wear a friggin' pair of flip flops...don't slide your feet in to dirty white sneakers and smash down the backs with your TOO BIG feet that hang over the back edge of the shoes...and for CHRIST'S sake...PICK UP YOUR FEET. But I digress...
All of these things are no-brainer faux pas. But what I saw at the gym the other day had me reeling. As I exited the locker room and made my way to my fave treadmill at the gym I saw a woman who's outfit really caught my eye. Anyone who has spent any time at a gym will see a variety of ensembles. They can range from super sporty and chic to holey t's and raggedy sweats. I'm somewhere in between as I stick to my own rule of not wearing things I'm too fat for (hence the gym membership) and I don't want to traumatize the poor guy who gets the machine behind me. Back to the lady...now I realize that there are women who go to the gym more to be seen than to actually work out but this woman really took the cake (not really...she was so skinny I'm sure she hasn't ate cake since banana clips were in). There she was, daintily perched high up on the stairmaster, lightly stepping making sure not to break a sweat or ruin her makeup, hair cascading down her bare back, and wearing...ready for this...A MINI SKIRT. Yep...a mini skirt. I thought the old man slinking as far down in his seat as he possibly could on the nearby stationary bike was going to have a thrombo.
In what INSANE world does a woman get ready to go work out by donning a washcloth sized skirt and head for the tallest workout machine you can possibly get?! The world of tramps and sluts I guess...I won't be moving there any time soon. Yes, she was very attractive and has a nice body but that doesn't mean I want an up close and personal view of her ass cheeks while I'm walking by. If that's her way of getting attention or scoring a date then I feel sorry for her and for all woman kind.
Fashion police verdict...guilty of public indecency and downright slutty behavior.
Moral of the story is...pj's and bedroom slippers (CLEAN ONE'S) belong at home, size 8 isn't appropriate when you're a deuce, your feet belong IN your shoes not ON them and mini skirts are just downright sexy...when you're AT A CLUB...not when you're teetering way up high faking a workout at the gym.
This has been another insane random observance brought to you by sweetassgal!
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