Maybe I had BO and didn't know it...?!?!

I don't usually post again this quickly but this one has an expiration date!

I was at work today and suddenly got the feeling that the walls were closing in on me. I work in an interior office with no windows, inside the interior of a production building (think Meg and Tom's office in Joe vs. the Volcano but with much nicer co-workers). Lunchtime was approaching and I just felt the need to avoid a case of cubicle fever and go OUT for lunch today. Not having any formal plans and not really feeling the need for company I grabbed my copy of Vogue and US Weekly (couldn't decide between the two...fashion/gossip/fashion/gossip...Reese Witherspoon on the cover of the tab clinched it) and headed for nearby Mel's diner.

As I entered I was greeted by a very sweet and adorable hostess. I think its in the job description at Mel's to BE incredibly sweet and adorable to qualify for the job. Anyway, I mouthed "just one" and we were off to my table. It was surprisingly empty for the lunchtime crowd. Plenty of open booths and tables here and there. We passed one, then another, yet another. Finally, in a journey that felt like the passage of the pioneers over the Sierras we came to my table. Cozily stashed behind a frosted glass barrier and nestled into the far corner was my home for the next 45 minutes. I sat down in the booth side that was against the wall and thanked my nice little tour guide for delivering me safely into Siberia.

What the heck!?!? What exactly is it about dining alone that makes people SO uncomfortable...even uncomfortable enough to make a hostess HIDE you away from all of the NORMAL two and three person diners! I had my precious gossip tab clutched in my hands so I obviously came prepared and was perfectly fine with chowing down a chicken sandwich and reading about who's doing what to whom in that crazy land known as Hollywood. So why should it bother her? Now I'm not taking shots at the girl and I wasn't mad...but I was very curious. Was it a subconscious action on the part of our happy little hostess or was there some deep seeded pity brewing in her brain for this crazy haired thirty something lady who can't even scare up a date for lunch? I'm truly intrigued.

For a second I thought I was being overly sensitive and was about to dismiss it when I looked up and realized I had the table in the back where they store all of the high chairs and baby booster seats. There was even a stashed walker temporarily abandoned by a geriatric but normal "two person" patron to drive home the point that I am seriously in Single Diner Land. All I needed now was to have the dishwasher take his lunch break at the adjacent table and I'd KNOW I was in exile. I giggled behind my frosted glass partition and said a little prayer that whomever had the privilege/task of waiting on me would realize that I was alone and hungry and wouldn't forget I existed all the way back there. I gave her a few moments and decided to send up a flare for rescue should it become obvious that I was going to waste away on this deserted isle.

So, I enjoyed my lunch, splurged on a shake, found out that Jake moved in with Reese, Jen joined John on tour, and Heidi is going with Spencer to Africa to feed the hungry (could I HATE those two ANY more...we'll see them in Africa fighting malnutrition when Paris shows up in Calcutta to nurse the lepers). I looked around my quiet little cove and decided to test a theory. I'm going BACK to Mel's next week, same time, same day...this time with Vogue (to change my "pathetic old lady can't get a date so she reads about others exciting lives" vibe) and am going to proudly announce..."Table for ONE please" just to see where it ends!

I know you're completely riveted right?...pins and needles time here folks. I'll keep you posted.

An insane (or maybe not) but completely random observance by sweet ass gal!